I’m not what you would call a “spa girl.” Don’t get me wrong, I love a good mani/pedi, massage, hair appointment as much as the next girl, but there is a level of anxiety that comes with all of it.
I think in their truest form, spas are supposed to be relaxing. But this is just not my overall experience. So, what I know about getting pampered:
1. Before I met my current stylist (and she is literally THE BEST in Denver), getting my hair cut was just straight up not fun. How do I explain to the stylist that I want cool, swoopy bangs, not the bangs of my 1998 school photo? Do I have to talk to her? What if she’s not interesting? Can’t I just fall asleep until it’s over?
2. Speaking of falling asleep and talking … massages. I’m pretty sure that I’ve fallen asleep mid-sentence during massages before. But why are they making an effort to talk to me anyway? I’m almost naked, you’re rubbing me down … let’s just do this weird thing in silence.
3. I don’t think I’ve ever felt as much shame as when I get a pedicure. The woman looks down at my feet, scolds me in another language, and gets her more serious pedicure-ing kit ready. And they always have the most smug looks on their faces when they make me all shiny and pretty, like, “Poor thing. I’m so glad she came to us.” I get it, my feet are gross. Thanks.
4. And just for once, I would love to get a manicure where they don’t make my cuticles bleed. They say, “Oh just cleaning up the edges,” and I smile through my teary eyes saying, “No big deal! More rubbing alcohol on that open wound please! I love paying this much money for blood!” I do not find this relaxing.
5. I’ve recently had my first facial. And of all the pampering options, this is my favorite. Still painful, still some stilted conversation as it’s happening, but very productive. My face felt like a 10-year-old’s when I left. I’m not sure who has money for consistent facials, but I can see why they do it.
6. The only thing worse than getting pampered in a public place is trying to DIY it at home. I own approximately 17 different types of nail polish and have all these different masks just sitting in drawers. But I smudge the polish and always follow the directions on the package wrong for everything else. Also, back rubs are a joke in this house and if I tried to cut my own bangs … I don’t even want to think about it. These things are for the professionals, I’m convinced.
7. Maybe my issue is with the word pampered. It means to “indulge with every attention and comfort.” And this list is not comfortable. I think if we called it “keeping up with all the other pretty girls who make time for these things,” I could wrap my head around it. To me, getting pampered means someone brings me delicious food in bed while I watch and entire season of a show on Netflix. That’s every attention and comfort.
If you like these things, I do not judge you. I just maybe don’t understand you. Or perhaps I simply have a terrible nail salon. Explain why you like these things slash what I’m missing in the comments!